Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Top Ten Most Underrated Movie Villains - 1. The Kurgan

- Sketch by Ori Ayalon

1). The Kurgan (Highlander): "Ramirez was an effete snob! He died on his knees. I took his head and raped his woman before his blood was even cold!"

Jeff Marvin: There Can be only ONE bad ass immortal and as much as I love the Highlander, Connor McCloud, it ain't him. The Kurgan, played by Clancy Brown is well...You read his quote. The ultimate warrior, if they had steroids back in the olden days of Scotland, I would've said that Kurgan was on some of that Balco crap. He has this deep dark voice and those crazy eyes, he's a madman I tell you. On top of that he can live forever and the only way you can get this psycho out of your life is to take a giant sword from the Middle Ages and slice his noggin off. When he isn't killing other Immortals, The Kurgan enjoys a nice drive in the country with Grandma on the hood of the car he just stole. He wags his tongue at her hoping that when she loses her grip that she'll get sucked underneath his Michelins. Crazy Bastard.

Well that is our top ten Underrated Movie Villains, hope everyone enjoyed our choices and these great sketches to go with them. We want to hear from you about what you think, let us know in the comments section below! Have a great Halloween!

The Top Ten Most Underrated Movie Villains - 2. The Frattellis

- Sketch by Ian Glaubinger

4). The Fratellis (The Goonies): “The only thing we serve here is tongue! You boys like tongue?”

Cody Dee Williams: Before we fell in love with The Sopranos, we fell in love with The Fratellis – Mama, Jake, and Francis. The Fratellis put the funk in dysfunctional, a family so warped and twisted that they keep their deformed hulk of a son/brother Sloth chained up in their basement. Yes, it’s a kid’s movie! Led by sociopathic matriarch Mama, played by the gifted character actress Anne Ramsey, with her two favorite boys by her side, dimwitted Jake (Robert Davi) and weasely Francis (Joey Pants), they viciously chase our heroes The Goonies through the cavernous maze of boobie traps and pit falls in search of One-Eyed Willie’s hidden treasure. Over the course of the movie, The Fratellis store a man they’ve murdered in their freezer, threaten to puree a fat kid’s hand, and make a tied-up young girl walk the plank. Yeah, they could use some serious family counseling.

Jen Huber: A scary bunch of characters if I've ever seen them! The epic movie that was the Goonies would not have had the fun it ending it did without the help of the Frattellis. With their scowls and all around bad behavior. They are a good group of foes for the Goonies on their big adventure. I think they are all individually terrifying and I absolutely wouldn't want to be stuck in an old abandoned house with them!

Scary? You haven't seen scary until you've seen Anne Ramsey's miserable bitch Mama Frattelli hard charging down a creepy tunnel grunting like a pissed off bull. Not to mention putting poor Chunk's hand in a blender in order to get him to talk. Her two boys Francis and Jake are a bit twisted sure and they are just plain terrible to their little bro Sloth, but neither one of them got nothing on Mama!

Friday, October 30, 2009

The Top Ten Most Underrated Movie Villains - 3. Cobra Kai

- sketch by Ed Flagg

3). The Cobra Kai (The Karate Kid): “We do not train to be merciful here. Mercy is for the weak. Here, in the streets, in competition: A man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy.”

Cody Dee Williams: Sensei John Kreese and his punk minions Johnny, Bobby, Tommy, Jimmy, & Dutch – The Cobra Kai. A buncha bullies clad in black Gis, The Cobra Kai viewed Karate as a weapon, instead of an art. Of course they were just a misguided band of angry teenagers, led down the wrong path by militaristic dickhead of a sensei John Kreese, played with wrathful brilliance by Martin Kove. Unfortunately for skinny Jersey kid Daniel Larusso (Ralph Macchio), he falls in love with the wrong girl at the wrong time, and proceeds to have his ass handed to him on a plate for about 120 minutes of a 127 minute film. Eventually, good karate triumphs over evil karate and everyone goes home happy. Props to Billy Zabka, who plays the Cobra Kai leader Johnny, for selling one hell of a crane kick to the face. Stuntmen are for the WEAK!

Jen Huber: What a bunch of jerks! I remember watching this movie and hating these guys! Sure, they are pretty good at karate, but to bully Daniel-san, c-mon! Also, how epic was that final fight?! The bully in black and Daniel in white, very clear cut. The Cobra Kai are the ultimate school bullies!

Jeff: You have three possible categories in High School, you are either a victim, an invisible or, like the Cobra Kai, a dickheaded Bully. Oh, and they play it so well! Johnny, and his band of mostly white trust-fund babies getting their kicks off of terrorizing the new kid from Jersey, and if I remember correctly they handed Danny boy quite a few beat downs until Miyagi got into the action. But lets be honest the kid had it coming to him--who dresses up like a fricking shower for Halloween? Billy Zabka made his bones playing jerks in high school and of course his Johnny is at the top of the list. Which makes the Crane Kick to the face that much more satisfying. Kudos to Mr. Zabka for making it look so fracking real--I mean come on it totally looked like Macchio tagged him, try watching in slow mo--you just can't friggin tell! But in then end it's that scary mo-fo John Kreese played by the total badass Martin Kove that ties Cobra Kai together. He's ruthless, he's crazy and he will kill without mercy.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Top Ten Most Underrated Movie Villains - 4. Prince Humperdinck & Count Rugen

- Sketch by Ori Ayalon

4). Prince Humperdinck & Count Rugen (The Princess Bride):
“Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped.”

“Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.”

Cody Dee Williams: And the award for Best Closet Gay Evil Duo in a Children’s Fantasy Film goes to… Prince Humperdinck and Count Rugen in The Princess Bride!!! Chris Saradon plays the fiendishly foppish Prince Humperdinck and Christopher Guest plays his number two, the cold hearted Count Rugen. I know this is a little bit of a cheat, since there are two of them, but they’re really like Peanut Butter and Jelly. You can’t have one without the other and together they are delicious… deliciously evil that is!

Jeff: War! What is it good for--for Prince Humperdinck it's all about the elaborate ploy to dupe poor Guilder into yet another one. Having his wife-to-be kidnapped, then killed, while framing your worst enemy for the caper is super hard work, but these two do it in style. You've got the effete snob in Humperdinck, who thinks he knows everything, played pitch perfect by Chris Sarandon. Then you have the quiet, yet dasterdly six-fingered man, Count Rugen, played wonderfully by Christopher Guest. You thought Dick Cheney was bad, Rugen enjoys water torture just as much, but even he wasn't willing to take the machine up to 50, that honor goes to the Prince. What a couple of bastards they are!

The Top Ten Most Underrated Movie Villains - 5. Janosz Poha

Sketch by Ori Ayalon

05). Dr. Janosz Poha (Ghostbusters II): "Let me tell you something here, there are many perks in being the mother of a living god. I'm sure we could get a magnificent apartment, car, free parking..."

Jeff: Yes Ghostbusters II, got a problem with that? Janosz Poha, as played by Peter MacNichol is brilliantly funny, and as we will establish delightfully evil. Janosz is the funny smelling little museum curator who lives on the Upper Vest side of NY. He also has a creepy obsession with Dana Barrett and once he has been possesed by Vigo his eyes act like a spine chilling set of high beams, he flies and honestly looks like the scariest Au pair I have ever seen. He is also a hilarious foil for Bill Murray's Venkman. Say what you want about Vigo and the general plot for Ghostbusters II but leave Dr. Poha alone for you are like the buzzing of flies to him.

Cody Dee Williams: I think Ghostbusters II is an incredibly funny film - as funny as the first... yeah, I said it. And I stand by that statement. Come on... World of the Psychic? Louis in court?!? DR. JANOSZ POHA?!?!? He's little, he's awkward , and he's apparently from somewhere in Eastern Europe. Scene stealer Peter MacNichol plays baby stealer Poha with a hilariously creepy zeal. And who would have ever imagined that Stingo from Sophie's Choice would be able to hold his comedic own with the likes of Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and, of course, Ernie Hudson?

Jen Huber: Seriously I would like to meet the person who can honestly say they weren't even a little unsettled by Nanny Janosz. When he came upon Oscar in his black and white creepy girl/guy glory and went Stretch Armstrong to grab Oscar off the ledge of the building - that was scary. Even before he absorbed powers from Vigo, he was that weird outsider guy with a crazy accent. One of the genius parts about Janosz is how he can go from crazy social grace lacking work guy, to powerful evil minion, to an oddly lovable slime covered goober. It's madness that one man has so many sides! Vigo the Carpathian might have had the lock on the intimidating face but that movie wouldn't have even come close to its greatness (yeah I said it) without Janosz.

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Top Ten Most Underrated Movie Villains - 6. Captain Barbossa

- Sketch by Ori Ayalon

6). Captain Barbossa (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl): "It'll be one pistol as before, and you can be the gentleman and shoot the lady; and starve to death yourself."

Jeff: Of course everyone loves Johnny Depp's scallywag pirate Captain Jack Sparrow, but who, at least in the first film, embodies true and complete badness and shows utter contempt for morality, who else but Captain Hector Barbossa from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Jack Sparrow could be considered untrustworthy, selfish and a bit of a Brigand but he would never lay waste to Port Royale in the way that Barbossa and his pirate clan did. Geoffrey Rush's, Barbossa really encapsulates the vicious, cleverly funny and often times cruel nature of a pirate.

Cody Dee Williams: Ah yes, the very much alive Aussie actor Geoffrey Rush playing the very much dead Spanish pirate Captain Barbossa in The Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. Well hey, if Russell Crowe can not only get away with playing a Spaniard, but win an Oscar for it, why the hell can't Geoffrey Rush??? And to boot he does will such rakish villainy. Despite all the lavish praise heaped upon Johnny Depp for his portrayal of rapscallion Captain Jack Sparrow, by the end of the second film his Keith Richards impression grows awfully tiresome - so much so, that really the only reason to even endure the third film is to enjoy the reemergence of Rush's fiendishly fun Barbossa.

The Top Ten Most Underrated Movie Villains - 7. The Penguin

- Sketch by Ian Glaubinger

7). The Penguin (Batman Returns): You're just jealous because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask!”

Cody Dee Williams: When people remember the Tim Burton’s Batman films, everyone talks about how great Jack Nicholson’s Joker is, or how surprisingly genius Michael Keaton’s casting was, or how hot Michelle Pfeiffer looked in that skin tight, black latex, get-up. But almost nobody gives Danny DeVito the proper credit for his performance as The Penguin in Batman Returns. So twisted, demented, and absurd you almost forget that it is teddy bear and fun drunk Danny DeVito behind all that grotesque make-up. DeVito, as The Penguin, gets to bite off a guy’s nose, call Michelle Pfeiffer a pussy, touch a really hot girl on her boob, and walk around in his long johns for 90% of the movie. I bet he had fun.

Jeff: As a fan of the Batman comic I always felt that the Penguin could never really be scary. He was a fat little effete snob who liked birds a lot. He had tricked out umbrellas and he was always frustrated with bats. He, in all honesty, was a joke. When I found out that the next villain in the Bat series was the Penguin I remember groaning, but once I saw that first trailer I was pleasantly surprised to see a Penguin that looked positively horrifying. Up to this point I could never imagine fun loving Danny De Vito as scary or menacing, but man, he really pulled off the creepy. He was a freak with flippers and jagged pointy teeth, this was certainly not your Daddy's Penguin. He lost the snobbery and became a bonafide bad ass bird creature that finally could stand up to the standards of a Batman villain. I mean he was scarier than Christopher Walken for Christ's sake.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Ten Most Underrated Movie Villains - 8. The Predator

- sketch by Steve Wands

The Predator
(Predator): "You are one ugly motherfucker."

Jeff: There is nothing more evil or frightening than a calm, no nonsense alien that decides to come to our planet to stalk and hunt down, The Most Dangerous Game style, a group of bad ass Commandos in the jungle. When I was a kid my mom wouldn't let me see movies like this at all--so I would always go around the corner to the kid's, whose name will remain anonymous, house (see Ma I don't rat out my friends). John McTiernan's classic action-Sci-Fi jungle romp was fun exciting and absolutely terrifying. Usually in horror movies the victims are dumb, un-athletic and you can just see the target signs on their friggin foreheads. They are normally pre-pubescent teenagers to boot. Now Predator is a completely different animal. In the beginning we see the crack commando team doing what they do best, killing with efficiency and pure uninhibited testosterone. I mean who on this earth could actually kill Jesse Ventura's Blain or Sonny Landham's Native American badass Billy. How can any human being hope to snuff out Bill Duke's sniper hard charger, Mac. Well this Predator did it all, whacked the whole team one by one, and it was only through tactics and a mud camouflage that Arnold Schwarzenegger's Dutch was able to kill that ugly Motherfucker.

Jen Huber: Take away his invisibility and heat detecting powers-the Predator is a name that alone entitles him to a rank in the Top 10. I remember when I was young watching this movie and it was one of the first times I can recall rooting for the "bad guy" because he was just so cool. Don't get me wrong, I love Arnold and I loved him in this movie, but the Predator was by far the favorite. Let's be honest, in real life the Predator would dominate anybody. His level of brute strength and alien powers makes him an ideal villain. He could definitely go toe to toe with other villain superstars.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

The Ten Most Underrated Movie Villains - 9. Patrick Bateman

- Sketch by Ian Glaubinger

9. Patrick Bateman (American Psycho): "I ate some of their brains, and I tried to cook a little. Tonight I, uh, I just had to kill a LOT of people. And I'm not sure I'm gonna get away with it this time."

Jeff: Maybe I'm a sick guy but when I first saw American Psycho I laughed my ass off. This was the first time that I saw Christian Bale after he was an obnoxious Newsie but before he was kick ass in everything from Batman Begins to 3:10 to Yuma, and he just blew me away with this performance. His Patrick Bateman was a paranoid, self deluded namby pamby rich boy who was so self absorbed it took at least fifteen killings or so for him to recognize his own morality. Bateman is a vapid souless cog in the big wheel of industry and he likes to chop his victims up with a shiny axe-- Evil? Hell yeah, I'd say he's got evil down in spades. I also loved that this took place in the 80's and how he attributed most of his murders to the albums of Huey Lewis and Phil Collins. Just remember folks it is a satire and if you, like most audiences who saw this film, didn't get that then you probably hated it. But give it a second chance you may find you really love it, and now that Bale is a big honking star, you might appreciate it even more.

Friday, October 16, 2009

The Top Ten Most Underrated Movie Villains - 10. Dracula from Monster Squad

- Sketch by Dezi Sienty

10. Count Dracula (Monster Squad) "Give me the amulet you Bitch!"

Cody Dee Williams: I know we’re all thinking it, but I guess I’m the only one willing to man-up and put it in print: Duncan Regehr’s interpretation of Dracula in the 1987 Fred Dekker cult-classic The Monster Squad kicks, KICKS, Bela Lugosi’s Dracula in the nards! In the behind the scenes featurette on the new Monster Squad DVD, Fred Dekker admits that his first choice to play Dracula was none other than Liam Neeson. Who knows how that casting decision would have altered the lives of Neeson and Regehr? Maybe Regehr would’ve been nominated for an Academy Award for playing Oskar Schindler and Neeson would have nailed the role of John Dirks in the 2000, direct-to-video, film Krocodylus (yes, a movie so bad it had to rip off the plot of Lake Placid). But one thing is for certain, no way in hell Neeson brings one-fifth the amount of wicked dandyism and ambigious sexuality that Regehr brought to the role of Dracula. Now, give him his props, you Bitch!

Jen Huber: Why can't all the vampires coming out right now be like Duncan Regehr's Dracula? The pale skin and the creepy red eyes before turning into a bat are great but what really makes this version of Dracula work is the guy's facial expressions. The wide-eyed look is fantastic and the mix of emotions that play on his face is clear for all to see. Each time I see the movie I take one of his expressions a different way so it's kind of like a choose your own adventure. I probably would think twice before standing in the way of him and an amulet

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Well, I’m just finally coming out of my hangover from Sunday night; the result of a 10 mile walking tour of Brooklyn, followed by two margaritas, a countless number of beers, and two celebratory shots of Canadian Club to finish it off. But, I gotta tell ya, today’s headache and haziness were a small price to pay for finally witnessing the team I love get back to the Fall Classic. And in such a gritty, gutsy fashion to boot.

The Angels gave us a great fight and made us earn it. Congrats to that team and their fans for a well fought battle and a tremendous, entertaining, tooth and nail series. Really a top notch, stand-up group of guys and their manager Mike Scioscia is a total throwback class act. Much respect for that ball club.

But here we go again. It’s gonna be another dogfight with a tough, scrappy bunch in the Philadelphia Phillies. Some great hitters on that team and a collective never say die attitude. I’m fully expecting these two clubs to push each other to their limits and bring out the best in one another.

However, at the end of the day, I’m truly confident in this 2009 Yankees team and that they will get it done. There is just something intangible about them that has inspired confidence in us fans. It’s a feeling we haven’t had in what feels like a very, very long time. This year's Yankees are just too dynamic, too talented, too well rounded to fail. Their starting pitching has been absolutely dominant. It’s gotten them this far, and it’s going to be the difference maker in this series with the Phillies, as well.

I didn’t drink a drop of Champagne last night (and thankfully so…). Figured I’d save the classy stuff for when we bring #27 back to New York.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

An Open Letter to Red Sox Nation:

This weekend the Red Sox got swept by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in what must have been a tragic, tragic, heartbreaking loss for the Nation; a loss reminiscent of the pre-2004 days. Aaron "Fucking" Boone, Bill "Fucking" Buckner, Bucky "Fucking" Dent; now you can add Vladimir "Fucking" Guerrero to the list of players that have had the distinction of sticking a proverbial knife into the collective heart of Red Sox Nation.

I'm a Yankees fan, so I should take incalculable amounts of pleasure in the Red Sox regressing back to their cursed ways. But I gotta tell ya... I'm not. I'm really not. For starters, I'm not a Yankees lifer. Actually I only started rooting for them after I moved to New York in 2003. Unfortunately, that year also coincides with the end of the road for the great Yankees' run of championship caliber teams that started in 1995. So I know all about October disappointment. 2004 alone was probably the bleakest moment in Yankees' history and I was right there, just one year into my fanhood, to experience every excruciating moment of ALCS Games 4, 5, 6, and 7. The Sox went on to the win the World Series that year and again in 2007, as the Yankees, year in and year out, got progressively more inept and dysfunctional in the Post Season.

So, I get it Sox Fans. And I wanna speak to you directly here, mano a-masses: I'm not here to gloat or shove it in your face. I'm not that guy. I'd like to rise above it all and say I am sorry it didn't work out for you this year. Despite the fact that I think the majority of you let 2004 and 2007 go to your head. Despite the fact that most of you still insist on hypocritically chanting "You took steroids" when A-Rod's up to bat, when your team actually won two World Series titles with a couple of roid freaks in the middle of your line up. Despite the fact that you have several premiere players who get away with ugly moments that no Yankees player would ever be able to get away with (see: Kevin Youkilis throwing his helmet at an opposing player, and Dustin Pedroia throwing the Fenway grounds crew under the bus after the Sox Game 3 loss to the Angels).

Despite all of this... I'd still like to congratulate you and your team on a winning season and I send my sincere hopes for a bounce back 2010 for the Sox. From the Bucket to The Red Sox Nation at large, we tip our navy cap to the following Red Sox of 2009:

Jacoby Ellsbury:

Dustin Pedroia:

Kevin Youkilis:

Big Papi:

Josh Beckett:

JD Drew:

Jason Bay:

Jason Varitek:

and, of course, Jonathan Papelbon:

Thursday, October 08, 2009

The Informant!

This past week was busy as usual, not unlike the last few months. My company has been non-stop busy with all of the product we have out in the field. Between Michael Moore and George Clooney flicks things are finally starting to slow up just enough for me to get another post in. Tamar intimated to me that she wanted to see the Informant! But when push came to shove to actually go to the theater she decided that sewing and knitting was the plan of action for the day. No biggie, I really wanted to see this movie anyway, so I hit the Mega Movies Theatre by myself to catch it. I'm glad I did too it was a fun little movie. Matt Damon, as always, is great as the seemingly hapless/pathological liar Mark Whitacre. It can be frustrating to watch because this guy is all over the place with his tall tales. He's almost a recreation of Damon's Tom Ripley without the homicidal tendencies. Director Soderburgh shows again, that given the right material, he can put together a grade A movie. While Damon has again proved why he's worth every penny the studios throw at him.It starts out simply enough, Bio-Chemist Mark Whitacre works for an Agri-Corporation. He is struggling to discover the cause of a virus in their corn that is hurting profits. Whitacre claims to his bosses that a rival Japanese firm is sabotaging the supply. Instead of dealing with it internally they decide to go to the FBI which causes Whitacre to alter his story to price fixing. Thus begins his downward spiral toward ruin. The film is based on the true story and as the story unfolds, you start to see that the truth is stranger than fiction. Whitacre narrates the film and we get an insight into his thought process. On the surface he appears to be a genuinely affable guy, he tries to pull of this Clark Kent thing, smart yet naive. He also has this quirk, where he thinks he is living in a movie. When he turns undercover informer for the FBI he revels in his new task as corporate spy. He constantly compares his situation to those in James Bond and the movie the Firm. It's pretty amazing what this guy gets away with. It's also insanely hilarious watching him Michael Scott his way through the sting operation. It's almost painful watching his lies come back on him putting him on the spot so he can dig the hole even deeper.
This flick may not be for everybody it works on it's own slow pace and if you can appreciate good writing and an interesting lead then you should have no trouble sitting through this. But if you haven't got much of an attention span or if you can't handle a comedy that doesn't deal in dick and fart jokes than this isn't your movie. Whitacre is a pretty complex guy you think you get him pegged about half way through the film and then he surprises you again. Is he truly a master manipulator or is he just a fool getting lucky, it's hard to say. Other than Damon this flick isn't chock full of A-listers which I think really grounds the movie, honestly. It's good to see Scott Bakula get some work. I've always liked the guy from Quantum Leap and when he guest starred on Chuck and he does a good job again playing an empathetic FBI Agent who gets taken for a ride by Mark Whitacre and his antics. Another fun actor from the 80's Thomas "Biff" Wilson also had a nice little role in the flick unfortunately they didn't give him much to do, the guy can bring the funny and it's unfortunate that they couldn't have given him a funnier role. And I'm still not sure why Joel McHale was in this movie. The guy is hilarious on the Soup and he's pretty funny on his new show Community but they don't let him do his snarky thing here, they sort of Mormoned him up or something. That was a bit of a waste.
Other than the wonky soundtrack that sounded like it belonged in Ocean's 11, this was an enjoyable little movie and I suggest you check it out now before the onslaught of October films flood it out of the marketplace.

Grade 4 Buckets

Monday, October 05, 2009


This will be in my DVD collection as soon as possible. A fantastic, fun, B-movie experience!

Zombieland follows four misfits who somehow manage to survive after a massive outbreak turns most of the human population into zombies. Not really able to trust each other, the four decide to join forces and embark on one crazy adventure after another.

Woody Harrelson steals every scene in this movie. He is perfect in the role of Tallahassee. His character seems to find his life's passion in killing zombies and surviving. Constantly striving to attain the title of "zombie killer of the week" by developing creative ways to disarm zombies, Tallahassee is a force of nature.

Jesse Eisenberg is also impressive in this film. Last seen in Adventureland, Eisenberg holds his own in his role as Columbus. He plays the same sort of character as seen in Adventureland, Columbus is a rule following, anti-social guy whose knack for keeping to himself might be the sole reason for his surviving so long. He creates a list of fail safe ways to prevent a zombie attack in the beginning of the film that is very funny.

Rounding out the cast are Emma Stone as Wichita and Abigail Breslin as Little Rock. The two are sisters that give Tallahassee and Columbus a run for their money. Outsmarting the boys more often than they would like to admit, the girls are a great addition to the group. The four balance each other out well and create good chemistry throughout.

Perhaps the greatest scenes in the movie come when the four run into Bill Murray. Hijinks ensue and the result is hilarious. There is a scene at the end of the credits with Murray that didn't make the film, stay through to see it!

I love zombie movies and this one might just make it into my top 10. The story is great, the acting on point and the zombie killings are so creative! I say job well done!

4 Buckets