Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Superhero Smackdown Tournament: Round 2 - Strength

(Click on bracket to embiggen!)
Time for Strength bracket Round 2. It looks like 2. Spider-Man and 1. Superman are headed for a collision course in the Elite 8. But first Supes has a date with a nutty anarchist while Spider-Man has to contend with the savior of the universe.

1. Superman Vs. 9. V For Vendetta

"Remember, remember the 5th of November , the Gunpowder Treason and Plot, I know of no reason Why Gunpowder Treason should ever be Forgot."
With these words V has struck a blow to old blue boy by recruiting Supes' (Christopher Reeve) arch nemesis the uber intelligent Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) to his cause of destruction. Lex has devised a way to blow up Parliament with a Kryptonite bomb. Although Supes has a plan of his own he has learned of the plot from Evie Hammond (Natalie Portman) who appreciates what V is trying to do but doesn't fully agree with his methodology. Plus she's still kind of peeved about that month of mental and physical torture that V felt she truly needed to understand him. V has laced his blades with Kryptonite and has decided to face the Man of Steel in front of Parliament. V cuts Supes deep as old blue boy tries to talk some sense into V. He will have none of it he thinks Supes is the establishment and, of course, in his mind the establishment must go. Superman is bleeding but he is determined he get V talking. V uses his verbiage as he valiantly and vociferously boasts his propaganda. His weakness has been discovered as his soliloquy goes on for two minutes too long. Giving time for Supes to dismantle the bomb with his super speed. He melts the knives with his heat vision and locks Luthor up with V in a cell. To my knowledge V is still talking.

Winner: Superman

4. Dick Tracy Vs. 5. X-Men

Tracy (Warren Beatty) isn't one to sit on his laurels as he puts on his yellow trenchcoat and hits the streets on the hunt for mutants. Their power frightens the chief so he sends his best officer out to bring them all in. Tracy does have the Kid (Charlie Korsmo) and Tess Trueheart (Glenne Headly) helping him out. He finds Toad (Ray Park) first as he hops around Tracy snatching at his hat with his sticky tongue. But Tracy is quicker than Toad thinks as he grabs hold of the tongue and tosses him into a dumpster. As soon as Toad comes to he finds himself shackled and caged in the county lock-up. On his way to Professor X's mansion he finds himself surrounded by three tough mutants, Rogue (Anna Paquin), Iceman(Shawn Ashmore) and Cyclops (James Marsden). The Kid strikes first but finds himself quickly in a coma as Rogue gives him just a little kiss. Tracy opens fire as Iceman freezes his pistol. A shot rings out from the rooftops hitting Iceman in the shoulder. It's the Blank Aka. Breathless Mahoney (Madonna) she takes another shot at Rogue. But this time Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) steps in to take the bullet. All of a sudden the Blank takes off her mask and starts singing a song right on the rooftop. Tracy turns all of his attention to her, man he loves to watch her perform. It gives Cyclops the moment he needs to hit Tracy with a full blast from his optic lens. Tracy hits the dirt angering Breathless. She picks up the rifle to take another shot at Cyclops but before she can pull the trigger....SNNNKKT...Wolverine guts her like a fish. The X-Men have turned the tide on Tracy and put him behind bars for once.

Winner: X-Men

3. Sin City Vs. 6. Blade

Blade (Wesley Snipes) decides to take a visit to Basin City cause he heard about a flesh eater named Kevin (Elijah Wood). Blade was a little pissed when he found out that Kevin was just a weird cannibal kid with long fingernails. Blade didn't like being chomped on and makes quick work of Kevin with his Katana. But he's not done yet he hears something that sounds like a freight train. Blade is punched into a wall by the Goliath Marv (Mickey Rourke). Marv pulls Blade out of the rubble by his head and slams him into the pavement. Blade leaps up from the ground and cuts off Marv's hand off. Marv doesn't even hesitate he uses his good hand to crush Blade's skull. Marv picks up his severed hand he gets his girl Wendy (Jaime King) to sew it back on. Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), who was waiting in the van, tries to help his student by firing off a few rounds at Marv. Marv doesn't move he just smiles at Hartigan (Bruce Willis) who happens to be pointing his hand cannon at Whistler's noggin. BOOM! Whistler no more.

Winner: Sin City

2. Spider-Man Vs. 10. Flash Gordon

Doctor Zarkov (Topol) figures out how to get Flash and the gang back to earth from planet Mongo but his trajectory is off and they end up in Midtown Manhattan with Ming the Merciless (Max Von Sydow) in tow. Ming uses his magic ring to convince Flash that the startled New Yorkers are Ming's Royal guardsmen. Flash starts lashing out at the crowd. All of a sudden the Webbed Wonder himself swoops down to kick Flash away. Apparently Ming has entranced Zarkov and Dale Arden (Melody Anderson) as well. Dale kicks and spits at the crowd until Mary Jane Watson(Kirsten Dunst) steps up to knock her lights out. Spidey whips Zarkov into a tangled web of craziness. The Queen score for Flash begins again as Flash gets pumped. But it looks like Spidey can get jazzed on a cheezy soundtrack too. He unleashes the fury on Flash. After he's done with him he rips off Ming's weird headpiece. Ming tries to use the ring against Spidey but, unfortunately for Ming, Spidey ain't that susceptible. He just laughs and takes the ring from the sad bald man with the funny mustache. He dumps him in the East River.

Winner: Spider-Man

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