Oscars 2012 - Play by Play

Here we are again: another year, another Oscars. This one started off very strangely. While lounging at the house a little before 6:00 PM, I was just catching up on my last season of Smallville, when I heard a knock at the door. I looked over at the door for a moment and was like, who the hell could that be? We were going to head to the in-laws in a about an hour or so so who could that...the knocking continued. I opened the door and--it was the in-laws. My mother-in-law was carting our food and my father-in-law was almost obsessively babbling about the pre-show and that we were missing it. I checked my watch, it's only 6:00, what the hell?  Anyway, it was realized by all that we were actually coming over there so it wasn't necessary to bring food over to us. Before I could turn around to see what was happening my father-in-law was already gone, apparently he reaaaaaaaaly wants to see the walk on the red carpet, you know to see who's wearing who. I got over to the in-laws' house and I found my father-in-law sitting in the car, he'd forgotten his keys to the house. This is the kind of devotion we give to the Oscars, we get so scared to miss anything that we forget our house keys.

I really haven't done any Oscar prep work like I usually do so we're going to jump right in. Just were watching the pre-show the Red carpet stuff, I honestly don't care much about this part but some others in the house think it's the most important. Saw Rooney Mara, first thing out of the gate FIN (Father in Law) says her hair looks like shit. He then asks where he's seen her before, I said you might have seen her in the box during the Superbowl her family owns the Giants. He gives a long ohhhhhhhhh, and then says that's right, no more comments about her hair. Go Giants! Was that Viola Davis? I didn't even recognize her with her short red hair. Tamar apparently hates Michelle Williams dress, the flounce the bow the color and the concept, she says sucks. Although little sis disagrees. OK, I really don't like this fashion show stuff, we'll check back with the opening number.

Ah,it's great to have Billy back, so much class very fun and he always knows how to make an entrance. Clooney's pretty funny, had a great bit with the Descendants and the Justin Bieber thing was a little odd but it was great seeing Billy's Sammy Davis Jr., too, Nuff said.

Tom Hanks is up on the platform to give the awards for Cinematography and Art Design.  Hugo got the award, Robert Richardson, they seem to be flipping around a bit. Hugo got the win for Art Design too. Interesting, guess they are saving the big awards for the Artist later. SIL thought the Husband wife team looked familiar, I shouldn't have been drinking when she said Boris and Natasha. I swear if that guy was wearing shades and a black hat she's be spot on.

The tribute to cinema had some interesting clips, not sure why they had to start with Titanic and friggin Twilight, but whatever. I loved Billy's quip about the last clip that showed the famous diner scene from When Harry Met Sally, Billy says that was a long time ago when we still made film.  Here here.

Costume Design & Makeup - J-Lo and Cameron Diaz.  Looks like it's going to the Artist, their first of the night, Mark Bridges. The first of many to come bought by Harvey. J-Lo and Cameron have been pulling on the jug a bit with their weird Vogue attempt. The Iron Lady, huh, um ok. Mark Coullier and J. Roy Helland, short sweet and to the point.

Foreign Language Film - Sandra Bullock is out to give the award. We all called A Seperation, FIL says of course. Looks like a cheery little film, but I've been hearing about this one for quite a while. Very nice speech about the state of Iran and the hope that the troubles in that country will abate peacefully.

Supporting Actress - Christian Bale is out to give the award. Octavia Spencer, nice, she was pretty great in the Help, here's hoping that Viola Davis gets it as well cause she deserves it just as much.

Film Editing and Sound Editing & Sound Mixing - Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper are presenting. I got that one wrong, Girl With the Dragon Tattoo got that one. It is a fantastic film. Those guys were funny, it really seemed like they were totally floored that they won.  Hugo got this one, it feels like they are giving Hugo most of the technical awards and the big ones to the Artist probably. The two editors are a little goofy with the Hugo, no Hugo bit. But I'll go with it. Man I really need to see Hugo, I've heard it looks fantastic. Hugo got Sound Mixing too.

Loved seeing Kermit and Ms. Piggy except they are now going away and introducing some weird cirque de soleil tribute to the movies.  I see the theme here, I appreciate that they are trying to get the love back for movies but two dudes flying around to represent North by Northwest just seems a little too odd. Maybe they are trying to make movies come alive with the flipping around and the the um, yeah these guys are talented but I'm not sure if this is the best way to bring that love of film back.

Documentary Film - Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow - He's funny he's doing some documentary in a documentary.  He's always a rip, love it. The Oscar goes to Undefeated. Wow they just cut their sound. Ouch, but they did go over a bit. But anybody catch the bomb that dude dropped, cause they bleeped it out.

Animated Feature Film - Chris Rock, nice bit about paying him a mil just to record his voice for Madagascar. Rango took it, really? I was pretty sure it wasn't going to go to Kung Fu Panda 2 or Puss in Boots but I guess I shouldn't be so surprised that they gave it to Rango, it's just weird enough to be a big winner for Oscar.

Visual Effects - Ben Stiller and Emma Stone are giving out the effects award. Hugo again, hmm, I didn't expect that either. I would have thought maybe Harry Potter, if it was going to get it at all it would have been for the last one but I guess not.

Best Supporting Actor - Melissa Leo is out to give out this award. As expected this one goes to Christopher Plummer. I hadn't seen the movie Beginners, but I do know that he's been in the business too damn long to have never been nominated until now. So kudos to you sir, he was great in Dragon Tattoo and in pretty much every role I've seen him in. The guy is definitely Old Hollywood in a good way.

Now for the boring part with Tom Sherak, the head of the Academy. Just waiting for his bad pun or joke and..it didn't happen, short and to the point. Good deal. Although Billy hits it, as soon as he walks off stage he calls Sherak Mister Excitement.

Best Original Score - So the score went to the silent film The Artist, yeah I know you have music throughout so I guess it makes sense. John Williams has won a few times so I get no giving it to him for Tin Tin, but I really figured this was going to go to Hugo, a little surprising. This guy is really trying to butter up the crowd wanting them to love him, hmm, ok.

Best Original Song - Will Farrell and Zach Galifinakis looking ridiculous in white suits banging symbols. The Muppets! Nice, it was a very cute song. I really enjoyed the movie so it's pretty cool that they got it. Is that the second one for Muppets, did they get a win for Rainbow Connection? I'll have to check that later. But very cool tribute to Jim Henson.

Adaptated Screenplay - Angie is deliberately showing me her leg, I think she is trying to seduce me through the TV. The Descendants took it, as I predicted. Alexander Payne is always a favorite at the Oscars, but this one was pretty damn good, I did enjoy it.

Best Original Screenplay - Wow Woody Allen got it for Midnight in Paris, didn't see that coming. I was sure that the Artist was going to get this one too--interesting. So far the Artist hasn't taken much tonight, makes me think even more it's probably going to walk away with the big prize at the end of the night. I picked Bridesmaids but I should have figured the Academy would keep with the tradition of shitting on comedies.

Film Technical Awards - Mila Jovavich just had an overly dramatic walk out to the stadium. These awards were given a couple days ago very cool.

Short Films - The Bridesmaids girls are out to give the nominees for best live action short. Short films, the Shore won, so I just fired Tamar from picking Short Films anymore. She told me to pick Raju, Raju!!! I really was thinking of picking the Shore, gotta stick with my instincts next time. For Documentary Short Subject - Saving Face won. Yes again, I had to fire Tamar she chose the Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom. This is a pretty tough subject man, war torn Pakistan and the skill of these plastic surgeons to repair the faces of the victims of that region. The last one is Short Animated Film.  The winner is--Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore. Got that one, I'm one for three with Short Films.

Best Director - Michael Douglas just headed out to the stage, now we'll get a chance to see where this night is going. If the Artist takes it then we know it's going to get all the rest of the big awards probably. It's been a pretty predictable night thus far, thank god for Billy Crystal who as always is doing a great job as host. So here we go.....So it's the Artist got it and Michel Hazanavicius and he's a little bit of a twit honestly--but as my good friend Mike likes to tell me I really hate the French, so I guess I'm biased. But ugh, this night is going to be even more predictable.

Honorary Oscar time - Dick Smith, James Earl Jones & Oprah Winfrey - James Earl Jones for sure this guy has been robbed for years so yes give him his damn Oscar, I don't know Dick Smith but the guy sounds like he's done some incredible movies so great job. Oprah, ugh, Oprah, why is Oprah there? Cause she gives money? She hasn't made a movie in I don't know how long, why not give it to someone who actually still makes movies or actually has a full career of making movies. I'm just saying.

The Honored Tradition of Remembering those lost this past year - This is now the second year where they show the lady singing and it looks like they missed the first couple names--that's really disrespectful man. Come on. The woman had a good voice though. I liked how they did it the last few years where they showed a quick clip of the film or films along with the names. If they aren't actors sometimes we don't recognize the names of the people who passed so it's helpful to get a little context.

So they are doing a recurring theme here talking to various actors and actresses and their thoughts about the experience of watching movies. It's a nice touch, I kind of like it. It shows a little bit about the passion of the process, I can relate.

Best Actor - The lovely Natalie Portman just stepped out on the stage.  So yes I get that it's hard sometimes to act without the comfort of sound but it just feels sort of gimmicky this absurd love of the Artist. But everyone knows where this is going, I'm sure it's going to be the Artist's Jean Djurdean.  And of course it goes to the Artist--so fucking predictable. Wow he totally knew he was going to win. I hope he realizes first timers have it the worst once you win an Oscar. I admit I haven't seen the movie yet and I hope to soon but I still can't fathom that this movie is somehow the best acted & directed picre of the entire year. I'm gonna call bullshit, just a little bit. These voters are like sheep and that's how they vote. Oh, everyone is talking about this movie the Artist I guess it's great so let's just vote for it in the big columns. If Oscar truly wants to get its prestige back they need to fix the way these fucking snobs vote.

Best Actress - Colin Firth is presenting the award. Fuck again!!!! Really Meryl Streep for that dumb fucking looking movie, again with the damn British films. So now that she's won for the third time stop nominating her again!!! Yes Meryl that was me saying that and, yes whatever. Viola Davis was certainly robbed and I think Mrs. Streep knows that but again, whatever.

Best Picture - Tom Cruise is giving the award for Best Picture. This is going to be predictable again, I'm sure it will be the Artist. Here goes....Wow big fucking shock a silent black and white film won Best Picture--a movie no ordinary person watching this broadcast has even fucking seen. Harvey must have spent lots of money on all of the big awards and I commend him again on being the fat douchebag that he is that does everything possible to make these award shows boring as shit. If it wasn't for Billy Crystal this would have been the worst Oscars in a long time. Or at least last year.

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