Saturday, February 23, 2008

A WOMAN WHO WILL FIGHT MY BATTLES FOR ME...

I mean that's what we guys really want, am I right? I'm lucky enough to already have a strong willed, tough-as-nails, She-Ra in my life. But for those of you who are still looking, look no further than the new, re-vamped, but still spandexed AMERICAN GLADIATORS on NBC, which wrapped it's grand reopening of a season last Sunday night.

While this redux version of the late 80's/early 90's Saturday morning sensation fell short of the original version in several areas; the new arena was a lot smaller, the new co-hosts were a lot lamer, the new contestant-centric format was a lot less tolerable, there was one very important improvement from the old show. And to para-quote my good friend, singer/songwriter Bryan Adams, it kept me coming back for more. Baby, it was all that I wanted. When I was lying there in the dark. Maybe... it was hard to believe, but I was in heaven. A heaven where gigantic, powerful, and most important, hot Amazonian princesses destroyed itty-bitty pre-med students with one grand swing of a pugel stick.

Yes, that's right - the new female Gladiators are SMOKING! They are head and shoulders above the beefy, butchy lady Gladiators of yesteryear. If you watched the old show, then I'm sure you remember she-malesque Zap, Sky, and Siren (I know she was deaf, and she does get sympathy points for that, but that's no excuse for her overt mannishness):



And lest we forget Malibu, a female Gladiator so hideously unattractive that she was cut after the first season (great head of hair though):



They've now been replaced by athletic, strong, yet feminine ladies like Crush, Venom, and Siren (The second - uh, what's the matter? Can't come up with an original Gladiator name? But don't get me started, that's all WHOLE other blog).



Crush doesn't just play a bad-ass on TV. She's a real life bad-ass. Her real name is Gina Carano, and she's genuine MMA Muay Thai fighter. I'm sure many a male Bucket reader out there wouldn't mind letting Gina wrap her patented Kengmei Leg Scissor of Death around them.



If Marilyn Monroe was on steroids (and she may have been) she would've looked like Venom. A ripped, blonde bombshell, portrayed by fitness model Beth Horn.



Then there's flame haired, firecracker Siren - portrayed by bodybuilder Valerie Waugaman. I don't know what it is about a good looking red headed gal. Maybe because there's so few, that when you see one it's like it's like seeing a wild & untamed, white Palomino galloping free across a southwestern vista.



There's no doubt that these three ladies are a big reason why the first season of the new Gladiators was so successful. And while a lot of guys may not admit it, I firmly believe that most men are attracted to strong women.

Part of the male species Oedipus Complex?

Maybe.

A sign of man's own narcissistic tendencies?

Perhaps.

Or it could just be that we really, really, like watching hot girls in spandex. Yeah, HOT GIRLS IN SPANDEX!!!!! Season Two, AG, coming at you... CATCH IT!

4 comments:

David said...

All I have to say is I did movie last Nov with the girl that is Crush, the the hawaiian dude ( who is the Rocks cousin and stunt double/stand in)

And DAAAAAAMN Carla (crush) is wowzas...and she was playing a kickboxer (her pro background) and it was even hotter.

I feel blessed to have been able to be there first hand.

David said...

Opps I mean Crushs name is Gina...long days on set..

Cody Dee Williams said...

Yeah, I must admit there is something entirely fetching about her. On the show she seems to have an incredibly sweet disposition. Which I find intriguing given her dayjob. I mean she punches women in the face for a living.

David said...

Yeah, she is a very sweet person. Really nice and down to earth.

And I would so dreaming about her beating me to bloody pulp on set...it was a turn on.