SPORTS: The Top 10 Completely Irrelevant Reasons Why I'm Happy A-Rod is Back in The Bronx

Everyone knows by now that Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez (or Mr. Rod, as I like to call him) is back with the Yankees, on the cusp of signing another record setting deal that should keep him in pinstripes the for rest of his career. And, of course, everyone has an opinion - the sports fans, the sports writers, the sports pundits, the sports bloggers. A veritable vomitous eruption of viewpoints. Does it make A-Rod look bad? Does it make the Yankees look weak? I've come down with a severe case of vertigo from watching the back and forth from both sides, each end at the ready with a laundry list of "facts" to back up their side of the argument.

I say, who gives a shit about the "facts"? If you want "facts" go over to Wikipedia! This is The Bucket, bitch, and we don't deal in facts. So with that said, I present my list of The Top 10 Completely Irrelevant Reasons Why I'm Happy A-Rod is Back in The Bronx:


1). He's the best looking man in Baseball.


2). Not afraid to appear in homoerotic photography.


3). Continued hilarious "A-_(blank)_" headlines on the back page of The Daily News.



4). Stripper fucker!



5). He can take a joke.



6). His wife is a real firecracker.



7). Top notch oral hygiene.



8). Can coordinate an ensemble like one helluva snazzy sonofabitch!



9). Reinforces the old adage that cheaters never win.



10). He literally eats baseballs for breakfast!