Friday, May 04, 2007

MOVIE REVIEW: Spider-Man 3: An Alternative Perspective

I understand my colleague G.I. Jeff. I get him. I should, I’ve known him for a very long time. And as a result, I know that he would write a glowing review of Spider Man 3 no matter what Sam Raimi threw up on the screen. It could've been two and half hours of Peter Parker taking a radioactive dump in the toilet. He has a certain childlike reverence for the character, and I fear he has convinced himself that Spider Man 3 is actually a good film.

It’s not. Not even close, really.

Yeah, the special effects looked pretty good (I would hope, if they spent TWO-HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS on this film). But that’s about the best compliment I can give the film.

The acting is almost absurd in spots (the audience I saw it with laughed numerous times in spots not meant to be funny – stop crying Tobey!).

The many, many characters in this film aren’t juggled near enough screen time to be properly fleshed out.

The plot is… well, I actually have no idea what the plot was – but, I think there were at least six of them.

There were too many antagonists. Four by my count, which is three too many.

Bryce Dallas Howard is completely wasted in a nothing role.

The Sandman is a bigger flip-flopper than John Kerry. He’s bad, he’s good, he’s bad again… wait, wait… okay, he’s good again.

The emergence of Venom (at least I think its Venom. They don’t even have enough time to work in the name), is pretty much just a flash in the pan. His forced presence in the film seems like a lackluster attempt to pander to the fanboys. A real waste in this film, and should’ve been saved for SM4 or left out all together.

Walking out of the theater, I was simply confused. Based on the previous two films, which I like very much, I expected a smart, efficient, and connected story. What I got was a lot of murk, mire and meandering. Spider Man 3 is like a size 24 woman trying to fit into a size 6 pair of jeans. Sloppy. Very, very sloppy.

Grade: 2 Buckets

P.S. Is Harry the "New Goblin" or is he going paint balling??


G.I. Jeff said...

Child like reverence? I told you before you went into the movie that you would probably not like it--that your expectation was through the roof. I explained to you that there were many plot threads and that sometimes they were not as fleshed out as one would have liked. I also said that the main plot which is Peter's relationship with Harry was in my opinion well done. It is what I enjoyed most about the film. Venom did not get the screen time he deserved this is true. But I still liked the film after seeing it again late last night. It does have severe flaws in the editing and the enormity of the different plots but I still enjoyed it. So I humble myself before you as I say instead of 5 buckets I will now give it 3 and a half. What can I say your no taste friend just liked a movie you couldn't stand. Oh, well nothing new here. I guess I just don't have good sense.

Cody Dee Williams said...

What I meant by "childlike reverence" was that your adoration for the character was unconditional. No offense intended. However, everything else I wrote in my review I stick by. SM3 is a stinker and you should know that.

Cody Dee Williams said...

And I never said you have no taste.

Cody Dee Williams said...

and Happy Cinco de Mayo, you childlike bitch!

G.I. Jeff said...

Happy Cinco De Mayo to you too you stuffy elitist who can't enjoy a fun summer movie. Just cause there were a few bad scenes and I agree that the editing could have been better--it was fun to watch. It's not as good as Spidey one or two but I think the main story threads hold. I admit I do have some bias toward Spidey but if the movie were truly bad or in some way not in keeping with the Comic book or the character I would not have liked it. But even with the gaffes the characters were true to how they were written in the comics. Although Mary Jane was a wee bit too whiney for my tastes. Otherwise, I thought it was fine. Spidey 3 was a flawed but fun film and that's it. Nuff said!

Captain Mike said...

Why has everyone gotten so daggone defensive in my absence?