Thursday, September 14, 2006

SPORTS: Joe Torre needs my help!

I have had scientific studies done on me and it has been proven that I am right 96.7% of the time. Rounded up, that’s almost 97%! A solid A+. So when Joe Torre came to me in a dream and said to me “C-Dog, [that’s the nickname I imagine he’d call me if we were ever to become really good friends] I’ve got quite the conundrum before me. I’ve got all these really good players and only 25 spots on the post season roster. What am I to do!?!” I immediately woke from my slumber, drenched with perspiration. I knew that it wasn’t simply a dream, it was a message… a plea… sent to me psychically from Joe Torre (since he doesn’t have my phone number). Well, sir, I will answer your call. I’ve heard through multiple sources, which will remain anonymous, that Joe is a fan and frequent visitor of Troy’s Bucket. So, per Joe Torre’s psychic request, listed below is what I believe are the most solid moves that should be made for the post season 25 man roster:

Starting Rotation:

1). Randy Johnson - Big game pitcher. Has been coming on strong in the last couple of months.

2). Chien Ming Wang - The most consistent starter. Cy Young candidate.

3). Mike Mussina - Old Reliable.

4). Jaret Wright - Has looked considerably better in his last several starts. Look for Wright to spot start, in between working long relief.

Corey Lidle - This is a tough call. But I think it's possible he doesn't make the playoff roster, in exchange for an extra spot in the bullpen. Lidle has just been too inconsistent as a starter.


1). Scott Procter - The lynch pin of the bullpen. Procter has proven to be the most reliable guy coming out of the bullpen this year.

2). Ron Villone - Proven himself this year. He's a guy that can come in and pitch out of jams.

3). Mike Myers - Lefty specialist.

4). Brian Bruney - If Lidle does make the roster, I think, unfortunately, it will come at the expense of Brian Bruney. Bruney has pitched exceptionally since being picked up. And I think Torre and Guidry really like what they've seen. I think he makes it.

5). Kyle Farnsworth - Hot, cold. Hot, cold. But when he's hot, he's hot. And he's done an admirable job in September (with Mo out) to warrant a playoff spot.

6). Mariano Rivera - No question. Greatest. Closer. Ever!

Octavio Dotel
- A long wait, a lotta hype, for not a lotta action. Cool name, though.

Jeff Karstens - Shame. This kid has some great stuff. Look for him to either make a really big impact next season or vanish into obscurity.

TJ Beam - Again, some great stuff, but just too inconsistent and too inexperienced to warrant a spot on the roster.

Some other shmoes - I'm not taking the time to list them for a reason.

Starting Line-Up:

1). Johnny Damon (CF): Can cover a lot of ground in center. Makes up for a below average arm. One of the top five lead off guys in the game today.

2). Derek Jeter (SS): Because it would just be weird if the Yankee captain and current MVP candidate didn't make it on the playoff roster. Not to mention, he plays a pretty decent middle left infield.

3). Bobby Abreu (RF): Besides Jeter, there has not been a hotter hitter in the line up since August. Has a rocket arm and fits perfectly into the number 3 spot.

4). Alex Rodriguez (3B): Say what you will about his playoff record, A-Rod is still the BEST all around player in baseball. Nuff said. STOP BOOING ME!

5). Jason Giambi (1B/DH): Here is where things get a little tricky. But I expect Giambi will spend most of his time at 1st Base. Look for Joe to compromise defense for offense, so he can work both Matsui and Shef into the line up.

6). Hideki Matsui (LF/DH): Will be spending most of his time out in left, thereby vanquishing Melky Cabrera to the bench. Sorry, I know most Yankees fans don't want to hear it, but with Matsui back, and Giambi and Shef in the line-up, Cabrera’s only function will be to serve as the fourth outfielder and a pinch runner.

7). Gary Sheffield (DH): I just can't see Torre starting Shef at first base during the playoffs. This is Shef's last run as a Yankee. He'll get his starts at the expense of Melky Cabrera. I know, I know, I love Melky too, but you just can't use a guy like Gary Sheffield solely for pinch hitting purposes. Joe is very loyal to the old guard and Shef will be his full-time DH come the playoffs.

8). Jorge Posada (C): Having one of his best seasons ever on both sides of the ball.

9). Robinson Cano (2B): One day, in the distant future, will be regarded as the best second basement of all time. I truly believe that. Beautiful at bat. Beautiful in the field.

The B-Team:

1). Melky Cabrera (Outfield): Tough break pal. The fans love you, and for good reason. Tons of heart, gritty at-bats, amazing defense... I could go on. You've been dealt a raw deal and on any other team you'd be in the starting line up.

2). Bernie Williams (Outfield): Because what would October Ball be like without the Old Man?

3). Miguel Cairo (Infield): Probably the best utility infielder in the game.

4). Nick Green (Infield): Look for Green to spend most of his time pinch running.

5). Andy Phillips (1B): Another tough call. The Yankees have four guys, FOUR GUYS, who can play first base (if you count Sheffield, it's five). But look for Joe to go with Phillips as a backup to Giambi, over Guiel and Wilson. He is a better defensive first baseman than all of them, and with a line-up as offensively potent as the Yankees, Craig Wilson’s mediocre bat will hardly be missed.

6). Sal Fasano (C) - Because he's Italian. And he's their only real back-up catcher.

Craig Wilson
(1B) - As I said above, Look for Joe to go with Phillip’s glove over Wilson's bat. Could be wrong here, but I don't think I am. Definitely won't be a Yankee next year.

Aaron Guiel (1B/Outfield) - Versatile player. Was a nice addition, but unfortunately with a line up as deep as the Yanks, there just isn't a place for a guy like Guiel on the playoff roster. Like Wilson, won't be a Yankee next year.

Kevin Thompson (Outfield) - Good looking kid. End of the day... he's just trade bait.


We'll Joe, I hope that helps. No need to send flowers. My wife is allergic anyway. If you need anything else, please feel free to once again contact me psychically in my dreams...

Go Yankees!


G.I. Jeff said...

Not a bad roster although according to my brother Andrew I'd start getting used to seeing Wilson in the field rather than Andy. He says Cashman had been trying to get Wilson for a while now from the Pirates. He had something like 29 home runs and a high R.B.I. My bro says Cashman liked his versatility. But I personally agree with you, I've seen him in the field and behind the plate he struggles where I think Andy appears stronger in both places. Look at last nights game for a good example. Good roster though Cody--Joe would be proud.

Cody Dee Williams said...

Well obviously, you brother Andrew doesn't know his butthole from his piehole! Otherwise Joe Torre would've visited him physically in his dreams. But he DIDN'T!

Captain Mike said...


Speck said...

Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaah...I'm not reading all that...

I still love you though Cody.