Troy's Bucket: Cowboys & Aliens

So, I know many of you are asking, what the hell is this film about? That's really the beauty of that title. It's all right there. Although you could technically call it Cowboys, Indians & Aliens, but that probably wouldn't sound right. This is actually a pulse pounding action Western that is the embodiment of Survival of the Fittest. Funny story, I ironically put that idea into motion as I was driving out of the parking lot at the end of the movie. I watched to my horror, as two dumb rednecks in their pickup truck were careening in reverse towards me, the only thought in my head was, "What the Fuck are they doing, and am I going to die in the Movie Theatre Parking Lot?" Thankfully I pulled quickly out of the spot and the redneck stopped suddenly if I had jerked the wheel the idiot would have probably run into me. I then realized of course that he was putting on the throttle just to get my parking space. You see it would have proven that theory, as the dumb jackass was driving a beat up old pick up truck and I was driving a 2003 Volvo station wagon. It's built like a tank I would have had some bruises and he would be a grease stain. "Only the Strong Survive," in action. My near death crisis aside, or his near death crisis, as it was, I had a blast with this film. I'm starting to get annoyed with these reviewers and their bitching and moaning. This was exactly what was advertised, it had action heroes like Daniel Craig and the man himself Harrison Ford kicking alien ass and taking names, what else do you need? A plot you say? There was one, they didn't go to great detail but it was there, and here it is in a nutshell.

The man with no name awakens in the desert with hardly any clothes and a strange alien device strapped to his arm. He can't seem to remember his name, turns out later to be Lonergan (Daniel Craig), and he hasn't forgotten that he's a bad ass. He rides into town and runs head first into trouble as the local Cattle Baron's brat of a kid, Percy (Paul Dano), tries to provoke the man with no name to mixed results. The brat's dad Col. Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford), is a tough man, some might even say a bad man, keeping the townsfolk in fear of him. He confronts Lonergan but before they can throw down the sky lights up and the Aliens come to town. Killing and kidnapping folk left and right. It's up to Lonergan, a band of Indians under the command of Black Knife (Raoul Trujillo) and Dolarhyde to put away their gripe and work together to get their people back and kill the demons.

I'm always a sucker for a good western and a good sci-fi flick so putting them together was a no-brainer for me. There are many ways this could have gone south but they had a pretty excellent team here with great support from veterans like Sam Rockwell, Clancy Brown, Adam Beach, Keith Carradine and of course the beautiful and mysterious Olivia Wilde. Personally you can't have an authentic western without Keith Carradine being in the mix somehow. It was great seeing him and Harrison Ford together and it makes me wish that Harrison had done more westerns. I would have loved to see the two of them in a kick ass western twenty years ago, ah well better late than never. It's a really fun ride, don't let the naysayers tell you different. Director Jon Favreau, Producer Steven Spielberg and one of the writers Damon Lindelof (Lost, Star Trek) spared no expense to bring you a fun action flick. So please, do us all a favor and stay away from the blue creatures that sing. Put your money into a man's movie. It's stronger and better and deserves to stomp out those fucking annoying blue rodents. Even though I'm sad to report that even though Cowboys & Aliens barely skated by it's opening weekend over the blue turds it looks like it's going to come up short in it's second weekend. A truly sad day for film.