Oscars 2011

We're going to do something a little different on the bucket this year. We're here at home watching the Oscars with my wife, myself, her dad and her mom and we're going to make our comments about the big wins. Not a full play-by-play of the evening but a reaction to the winners in each category and give our candid and unbridled opinions about the event.

So here goes--

Art Direction: Alice in Wonderland wins for Art Direction--they love them some Tim Burton and his team. The only response from the peanut gallery here is--"Really?" I mean, it did look good but that's probably about it--it certainly wasn't a good movie.

Cinematography: Boo-yah! Although I feel bad that Deakins got snubbed again, but Pfister did do an amazing job on Inception, so pretty pumped that Inception gets something substantial.

Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo--hmm, I really thought she shot herself in the foot with those ads but I guess no one really gave a shit. She did do a great job, but man, I still think that Hailee Steinfeld was awesome and I know we'll see her again. Wow, Mrs. Leo is losing it--she just dropped the bomb, I guess they are on a delay cause they just bleeped it. Gotta be an even bigger thrill that she got the award from Kirk Douglas, that guy is still pretty sharp and funny.

Best Animated Short: The Lost Thing? Don't know much about the shorts except for Night and Day, the Pixar short in front of Toy Story 3. It was a pretty awesome short, so who knows, maybe Lost Thing was pretty extraordinary too.

Best Animated Feature: Well, as predicted Toy Story 3 won--not a big surprise. But it was a pretty awesome film, if you haven't see it you definitely need to. Not much to say about it--looks like folks around here are getting sleepy. So far not too many surprises here.

 Adapted Screenplay: BOOM! Sorkin first time win and there it is! Yeah, he went on a bit too long but damn he didn't skip a beat he didn't stutter. Love that guy! Is it just me, or do Bardem and Brolin look like a couple of waiters in those tuxes?

Original Screenplay: So King's Speech is beginning its run--Seidler seems like a decent guy, but damn I wanted Chris Nolan to get it for Inception cause he's probably going to get snubbed for Picture. My mother in law is schooling me when I asked her thoughts about the win for King's Speech: "What are you asking me for, I haven't seen that movie."

Best Foreign Language Film: Yay for In a Better World from Denmark--the third movie from Denmark to win in this category--yeah, I don't know about this movie. But I'm surprised the one movie I knew about in this category, Biutiful, didn't win. Seems like a nice lady--no comment from the peanut gallery here, guess no one else here knows about this movie either--and since they are more worldly than I am I don't feel so bad.

Best Supporting Actor: As it should be, Christian Bale gets the award. He's an exceptional actor and he totally earned that, but all my wife can say is that that beard is hideous. FIL (Father-In-Law) concurs that the beard is horrible. FIL can't fathom how this guy can pull off such a flawless American accent. Bale forgot his wife's name--ouch, but I have to admit it's always a tough thing to get up there and do that.

Best Original Score: I figured Trent Reznor would get and it is well deserved. FIL is surprised that Reznor was in Nine Inch Nails--he said that is pretty amazing. That's a pretty big win. The guy is  musically gifted so it seems like a pretty well deserved win.

Sound Mixing: My wife is bugging me to inform her when something interesting is happening. Well here it is: Inception bags another one. Congrats!

Sound Editing: Richard King and Inception again! So that is three for Inception, not too bad. But it's starting to look like Inception is getting the pity fuck awards. It's starting to become clear that they are gearing up to give the big ones to the King's Speech.

Makeup: Rick Baker the best in the makeup business. My wife and Cate said that the clip for Wolfman was gross at the same time. Yeah it's hard to compete with anyone else when he's on the ballot the guy is just that good.

Costumes: No real surprise there that Alice in Wonderland took the costumes award. It's hard to compete with that I would think given the crazy whacked out things the characters were wearing in that movie. So the wife is now inspired to look up what the internets are saying about Anne Hathaway's outfit changes. What saith Google? Anyone care to know the tricks to managing your breasts in plunging gowns?

Best Documentary Shorts: Strangers No More, interesting--don't know much about that one. FIL is snoring. Everyone is wondering how long are these shorts, 30 minutes? Now FIL, who is suddenly awake, says he wants to see it cause he heard the lady was from Israel--hmm.

Live Action Short Film: God of Love. Wow, look at this guy's hair--Jewfro. And he comments about getting a haircut, nice. Oh, this guy went to NYU Film school, why is that not surprising?

Best Documentary: "Good," says FIL, "Phenomenal movie." Inside Job just won for Best Documentary. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm kind of scared to 'cause I feel like I'm gonna be pissed the whole time. Charles nailed it: none of these bastards that railroaded our economy are in jail right now, and that is a shame. FIL is still glowing about Inside Job: "It's mesmerizing." He's now saying, "They are all crooks, it's terrible." That it is, my friend.

Visual Effects: Inception, as it should, gets the Visual Effects award. I would have been pissed if it went to Hereafter.  So up to 4 now--not so bad.  How the hell did Tron: Legacy not get a nomination but Hereafter did, there is definitely something wrong with this picture.

Film Editing: Social Network got editing--nice, it was a well put together film, so good job. I was talking over this one at first so I didn't even realize which one was on. But my wife was very impressed by one guy who thanked his wife for allowing him to have a passionate role with his family and his work. She doesn't usually get so excited about a thank you speech, but she's been getting annoyed with these guys who thank their beautiful and hot wives. She'd rather they say what this guy just said, or use the word intelligent before calling them beautiful. I smiled and said of course they should, my dear.

Best Original Song: FIL thought they were all pretty bad except for Randy Newman's. He's been grouchy about these "terrible songs" all night. Ah, thankfully Randy Newman won for Toy Story 3, 'cause that is the only one FIL thought was any good, so maybe we won't hear much grousing about it anymore. Randy Newman the cutup. What a funny guy.

In Memoriam: Fucking Celine Dion has to sing the song to remember those that have passed? Tacky. She's so fucking melodramatic with her facial contortions--ugh--just pull away to a clip already. John Barry, best Bond songs ever! Billy Fraker, guy was an incredible cinematographer--Sally Menke- Tarantino's right hand in the editing booth, Leslie Nielsen you will be missed, very sad...okay, get off Celine's stupid face. Arthur Penn: man, I didn't realize he had died. Irvin Kirshner: saved Star Wars for all time with The Empire Strike Back- I don't have the words; Dennis Hopper: that crazy bastard will be missed. Nice special tribute to Lena Horne.

Best Director: No surprise Tom Hooper won Best Director for King's Speech, even though it should be Fincher or more importantly Chris Nolan. Hooper is a good director but fuck, I don't understand how he won this award. They are sitting down half the damn time in the film. There were some odd angles and maybe that's why--but even fans of the film call it square for the obvious reason. But he seems like a nice guy, thankfully. Otherwise worst pick by far.

Governor Awards: Eli Wallach, Godard, Brownlow and Francis Ford Coppola for the Governor Awards. It's always great to see Eli Wallach get some love, yeah I know he was a little weird in Wall Street 2 but that doesn't take away from his great body of work. Magnificent Seven, The Good the Bad and the Ugly, Mackenna's Gold, How the West Was Won and many more. And of course Coppola too, his stuff hasn't been as good of late but his classics are just that. I really shouldn't have to list them here. Not a big fan of Godard but the guy is a true artist and deserves to be awarded for his hard work. Don't really know much about Brownlow, it looks like he's got some interesting documentaries about Old Hollywood. Have to check those out.

Best Actress: Again, no surprise, Natalie Portman got the win for Black Swan. But she's great--I haven't seen the flick yet but I'm sure it's well deserved. Everyone is now asking who is this guy she's maybe married to, is he French. Yeah, he's got a French name.

Best Actor: So my wife is telling us that apparently Hershlag is her original name. My mother in law thought she was asking if it was presenter Sandra Bullock's original name, but it is actually Natalie Portman's real name. And now you know. The group is now recognizing that Jesse Eisenberg is from East Brunswick; I wish I could record the reactions 'cause this is funny. FIL is yelling at Colin Firth to "move it along 'cause we all know you won!" And no surprise, it's Colin Firth for King's Speech. He's been due for a little while so it's no biggie. And he's a pretty good guy, and he did a great job in the film. He played a very convincing stutterer, which I'm sure is no small feat.

Best Picture: Man, they got Spielberg. Nice, maybe it'll finally go to the most worthy film which is of course Inception. But I doubt it. By the way I did see King's Speech this afternoon, so I can make my criticism about it plain. I'll be posting my review sometime later this week, so stay tuned; also going to do one for The Kids Are All Right. Just realized that they are making it so obvious that it's going to be The King's Speech: they are showing all of the nominees but we only hear that damn King's speech over everything. Way to go to build up the suspense---Yawn. Yes we know The King's Speech is going to win. Ugh, what a fucking crock--we knew it was going to be this movie for weeks now--no surprise.  I want to say it was a good movie it really was but Best Picture--Fuck no. Not even close. But what are you going to do. This guy accepting the award is saying it's not an obvious film to back, are you fucking kidding me, this film has had Oscar winner stamped on it since the first draft.

Well that was an okay evening, the best films get snubbed for the big awards yet again. But what are you going to do, the old farts are still running things and giving awards to the most ordinary and obvious films like the King's Speech. If there are British aristocrats in your film and especially if it's a period piece then you've chalked yourself up to at least a nomination, and in most cases a win. Overall Hathaway and Franco did ok, even though he seemed to not really care to be there and she seemed like she was sniffing glue or something before the show. She took goofy to a whole other level. But it did seem to move along a bit better this time, not as much starfucking but there was still plenty to go around. I hope going forward they will get the monarchy films out of their system for a while and we don't have to see one of these stuffy-ass Brit films for at least a few years.